My Mum Had Breast Cancer

I forbindelse med Støt Brysterne kampagnen som holdes hver oktober, vil jeg i dag fortælle jer en meget personlig og hård historie. Dette er ikke for, at få medlidenhed, eller fortælle en eller anden tude-historie (den ender heldigvis godt), men for min egen skyld, for jeg har egentlig aldrig fortalt nogen om det fra start til slut, eller reflekteret over alt det der skete. Desuden vil jeg også forsøge, måske at hjælpe folk der er i lignende situation lige nu, eller har været. Eller folk der kender nogle i lignende situation. For det er så rart at tale med nogle der forstår én, og forstår præcis hvad det er man gennemgår. Jeg vil lige starte med at sige, at min mor heldigvis vandt kampen, og i dag har det rigtig godt. Og at jeg er så glad for, at have hende i mit liv. Hun betyder alt for mig, og hun er virkelig hele min verden, og derfor er denne her historie vigtig for mig <3 Del hjertens gerne jeres egen historie, eller skriv hvis I har brug for hjælp. Jeg lytter gerne! <3 Det er godt at dele sine historier og sprede budskabet!

I marts 2012 var min mor til mammografi, fuldstændig rutine, det tjek alle kvinder bliver tilbudt når de når en vis alder. Til det tjek fandt de noget, der lignede en lille knude, og hun fik derfor en ny tid, så hun kunne blive tjekket igen. Da min mor fortalte det, tog jeg ret let på det. Selvfølgelig var det ikke kræft. Det får min mor ikke, det er nok bare noget totalt ufarligt. Min mor blev tjekket igen. Og igen. Og igen. De gjorde hele tiden et eller andet forkert, så de ikke kunne give noget svar på, hvad det var! Jeg husker at jeg, og resten af min familie, blev mere og mere frustrerede! Jeg tænkte over, hvor svært det kunne være at finde ud af, om nogen havde kræft. I to½ måned gik min mor i uvished, fordi de ikke kunne finde ud af at tage prøverne rigtigt. Hun fik taget tre biopsier. Jeg blev ved med, at forskyde det, og tænke, at det var selvfølgelig ikke kræft, men det er da rart at være helt sikker!

Min mor fortalte mig om en af gangene hvor hun blev tjekket. Sygeplejersken var pisse sur og gjorde min, i forvejen bange mor, for man er da pænt bange, når man ved, at man måske har kræft, rigtig bange. Hun var kold og tarvelig, og sagde iskoldt og kynisk til min mor: “Ja, vi har jo en forventning om at du har kræft.” Forventning?! For det første, når hun ikke er sikker endnu, er det meget voldsomt bare at slynge ud! For det andet, FORVENTNING?! Hvad er det for et latterligt ord at bruge?! Man forventer ikke at nogen har kræft. Man formoder det. Eller har en bekymring om det. Man forventer det ikke! Forventning er et ALT for positivt ladet ord at bruge i forhold til kræft. Det er ligesom at sige, at der er en chance for at man har kræft. Det hedder en RISIKO.

Min mor fik til sidst at vide efter den lange ventetid at hun havde den mest aggressive form for brystkræft, og skulle have fjernet venstre bryst. Min mor blev opereret i juni 2012, og fik fjernet brystet og alle lymfekirtlerne i venstre side. Det var meget mærkeligt at besøge hende på hospitalet. Hun var så forvirret og træt og svag. Og det er enormt hårdt at se sin mor sådan. Det hele gik stærkt. Efter operationen begyndte hun at få kemo, og det var det værste. Hun blev så syg og dårlig og svag. Hun spiste ingenting, og hun fortalte, at hun hele tiden havde en metalsmag i munden. Hun havde hele tiden kvalme, og sov hele tiden. Hun måtte ofte selv køre frem og tilbage når hun skulle have kemo, og jeg kan huske hvor ked af det jeg var over, at jeg aldrig havde fået et kørekort, for havde jeg kunnet, ville jeg have kørt hende hver dag.

En dag da jeg var på besøg hos min mor spurgte hun, om jeg ikke gad klippe hende. Hendes hår faldt af i store totter og det gjorde så ondt. Og det var ubehageligt. Så vi tog en køkkensaks, og så klippede jeg hendes tykke, brune hår. Jeg tror min mor syntes det var rart at kunne få det af selv, før kemoen gjorde det. Derefter forsvandt hendes øjenvipper og øjenbryn. Hun gik med et fint tørklæde om hovedet, for det var så koldt uden hendes tykke hår!

Kemoen varede længe, syntes jeg. Heldigvis blev min mor på intet tidspunkt syg. Hvis hun var blevet syg havde det varet i flere måneder pga. kemoen, og man kan ikke få kemo imens man er syg. Da kemoen var overstået skulle min mor have stråler i lang tid. Det var i december, hun kørte til hospitalet fem dage om ugen, og det var bare den værste vinter med isglatte veje over det hele! Min mor brugte flere timer hver dag på, at køre frem og tilbage! Jeg husker tydeligt den aller sidste gang hun skulle have stråler! Jeg og min lillesøster var med, og der var sat flag op på hospitalet. Min mor var så glad og lettet, det var vi alle sammen, og det var så fantastisk at det endelig var overstået! Vi fik at vide, at kræften ikke havde spredt sig. Min mor er i dag sund og rask <3

Det er måske en meget kort version af det lange, hårde forløb, men det hele går så stærkt! Jeg tror ikke jeg som sådan nåede at opfatte, at min mor var alvorligt syg med en livstruende sygdom, endda den mest aggressive kræft, inden det hele var ovre. I sådanne situationer koncentrerer man sig mere om nuet. Og bagefter opdager man at man faktisk har en mor, der har været så syg, en mor der har haft kræft. Kræft, som man ellers kun hører om, at andre får.

Det hårdeste ved det hele var, at det var min mor. Min mor betyder alt for mig, der er ikke noget menneske jeg er tættere på. Vi har altid haft et helt specielt og tæt forhold, hvor vi fortæller hinanden alt, og ses ofte. Nu, efter jeg er flyttet hjemmefra, ses vi mindst en gang om ugen. Min mor har altid været den stærke i min familie, og været der for min lillebror, lillesøster og jeg gennem alt. Vi har en far der er blevet ret syg psykisk gennem de sidste fem år, så min mor har virkelig haft meget at hjælpe med og kæmpe for, og været der for os. Og det var hårdt at den stærke pludselig ikke var så stærk som hun plejede. Under normale hårde tider, ville det jo være min mor jeg havde grædt ud hos, men når det var pga. hende jeg græd kunne jeg ikke gøre det. For hvis vi andre ikke var opmuntrende og stærke, hvordan skulle hun så kunne være det? Min mor var selvfølgelig stærk gennem hele forløbet. Hun er en pisse sej kvinde med ben i næsen, og hende får man ikke ned med nakken! Men stadig følte jeg, at jeg ikke skulle vise hvor ked af det og bange jeg var. Heldigvis havde jeg selvfølgelig min fantastiske, fantastiske kæreste, som hjalp mig rigtig meget. Jeg ved faktisk ikke hvordan jeg ville have klaret det uden ham. MEN en kæreste er STADIG ikke det samme som en mor <3

En af de værste ting var andres reaktioner. Jeg vidste godt at mine venner, studiekammerater og andre bekendte vidste, at min mor var alvorligt syg. Men der var stort set ikke én der skrev til mig om det. Bare en besked med ordene: “Jeg er her for dig” eller: “Er du okay?” ville have gjort en verden til forskel. Selvfølgelig var mine to bedste venner der for mig. Men det gør ondt når alle andre pludselig ikke er, og pludselig bliver berøringsangste, så snart der er noget der er svært. Hellere sige lidt, måske noget forkert, end slet ikke at sige noget. Min mor oplevede de samme ting: Venner og bekendte der før stoppede op og fik en snak når hun gik op i byen, lod pludselig som om de ikke så hende! Venner stoppede pludselig med, at skrive til hende! Hvor ensom tror I man føler sig som syg eller pårørende? Meget! Hvor ekstra ensom og bange bliver man, når mennesker der før betød noget for én, pludselig stopper med at tale med en? Når man rent faktisk har aller mest brug for det! Det er en ting jeg ville ønske der kunne ændres på. Min mor vidste godt at hun havde kræft. Det var ikke noget man behøvede at være bange for, at nævne. Heller ikke over for mig. Dét er et råd jeg kan give: Vend aldrig din ven i ryggen hvis de bliver udsat for noget lignende: Tal om det! Vær ikke berøringsangste! Kræft skal ikke være tabu. Det hjælper at tale om det, det hjælper at nogen er der for en.
Selvfølgelig havde vi også masser af mennesker omkring os der støttede os. Min mor fik så mange fine kommentarer og beskeder og søde ord. Sød familie (især min moster), søde venner, søde kollegaer. Min svigerfamilie var også fantastiske og en skøn hjælp.

Jeg spurgte min mor, om der var noget jeg ikke måtte skrive, eller noget hun gerne ville have jeg gav videre af råd, og hun havde ét: HUSK at tage i mod tilbud om mammografi! Havde det ikke været for tjekket havde min mor aldrig opdaget det. Og da kan det allerede være for sent.

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In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month which is every October I want to tell you a very personal story which is hard for me to tell. This is not for pity and I am not trying to tell a sob story (which luckily ends well), but for myself since I never actually told anyone about it from the beginning to the end. I have never reflected about everything that happened. I also want to try to maybe help people in situations like this right now, or people who have been in situations like this, or know anyone who is going through this right now. Because it is really nice and relieving to talk to someone who understands you og understands exactly what you are going through. I want to start with saying that my mum luckily won the fight against cancer and is well and healthy today. And that I am so happy and lucky to hav her in my life. She means everything to me and she is my whole world and this is why this story is important to me. <3 Please share your stories if you want to! It is about spreading the message and sharing with each other.

In March 2012 my mum was at a checkup for changes in her breasts, which every woman is offered when she reaches a certain age. At the checkup they found something in her left breast and she then got scheduled for a new appointment so they could check again and see what it was. When my mum told me I took it pretty easy. Of course it was not cancer. My mum could not get cancer, it is probably something completely harmless. My mum was checked again. And again. And again. They kept making mistakes so they could not give her an answer! I remember thinking “how hard can it be to check if it cancer?” It took them two ½ months to find out, in those months my mum was worried and uncertain. She had three biopsies. I kept undermining it and thought that it could not possibly be cancer.

My mum told me about one of the times she got a biopsy. The nurse was so rude and made my mum even more scared than she was. Because people tend to get scared when they might have cancer! The nurse was cold and mean to her, and said: “Well, we are expecting you to have cancer”. Expecting?! First of all, when she is not certain yet it is pretty crazy to just say it like that! Second, EXPECTING?! How could she even use such a stupid word?! You do not EXPECT people to have cancer.

At last my mum got an answer: She had the most aggressive form of breast cancer and was to have her left breast removed. She had surgery in June 2012 og had her left breast and all the lymph nodes in her left side removed. It was weird visiting her at the hospital. She was so confused and tired and weak. And it is extremely hard to see your mum like that. It all went by so fast. After the surgery she started getting chemo and that was the worst part. She got so sick and weak. She never ate and she told me that she had this metallic taste in her mouth and she was nauseous all the time. She also slept several hours a day. She often had to drive forth and back to the hospital herself to get chemo and I remember how mad I was at myself for not having gotten a driver’s license because if I could, I would have driven her every day!

One day when I was visiting my mum she asked me if I would cut her hair. It had started to fall out in big chunks and it hurt so bad and was very uncomfortable for her. We took a pair of scissors and cut her thick, brown hair off. I think my mum thought it was better to do it herself before the chemo did it. After that her eyebrows and eyelashes fell off too. She wore a beautiful scarf around her head because it was too cold without her thick hair!

The chemo went on for a long time I think. Luckily, my mum was at no point sick. Had she been sick with even a cold, it would have been going on for months because of the chemo and you can not get chemo whilst being sick. When she was done with chemo she needed to get rays for a long time. It was in Decemver and she drove to the hospital five days a week and it was the WORST winter with ice on every road! She spent several hours driving forth and back. I clearly remember the last time she had to get rays. Me and my little sister came along and there were little flags at the hospital. My mum was so happy and relieved, we all were, and it was so amazing that it was finally over! The cancer had not spread. Today my mum is healthy <3

This is probably a very short version of a very long and hard period, but it all went so fast! I do not think I even came to realise how sick my mum actually was with a life threatening disease, even the most aggressive kind of cancer, before it was all over. In situations like that I think you always concentrate more about the moment. And then afterwards you realise that you actually have a mum who has been really sick. Who has had cancer. Cancer, which is always something you hear about from others, but never hope for one of your loved ones to get.

The absolutely hardest part about all of this was that it was my mum. My mum means everything to me, there is no other person I am closer to. We have always had a really special and close bond where we tell each other everything and see each other a lot. After I moved out we still see each other at least once a week. My mum has always been the strong one in my family and has been there for my little brother, my little sister and me through everything. Our dad has been getting very mentally ill through the last five years so my mum has really had a lot of things to help us with and fight for an has always been there for us. And it was hard that the strong one was suddenly not as strong as she normally was. Under normal circumstances I would have seeked to my mum for comfort, but when it was beause of her I needed a shoulder to cry on I could not do it. Because if we were not cheering her up and being strong, how could she be? But my mum was of course incredibly strong during the whole thing. She is an incredibly cool and tough woman and you can not get her down! But I still did not feel like showing how scared and sad I was. Luckily I had my fantastic boyfriend by my side who helped me a lot. I still do not know how I would have gotten through this without him.

One of the worst things were some people’s reactions. I knew that my friends, study buddies and other acquaintances knew my mum was very sick. But there were not a lot of people who wrote me about it. Even a message with the words: “I’m here for you” or “are you okay?” would have made a big difference. Of course my two best friends were there for me. But it hurts when everybody else suddenly is not, and suddenly people are afraid to talk about it. I would rather say a little, say something than not saying anything. My mum also experienced it. Friends and acquaintances who would stop to chat with her on the street before would suddenly pretend to not see her! Friends suddenly stopped writing her! How lonely do you think it feels as sick or with a sick family member? Very! How must it feel then, to have people who meant something to you suddenly ignore you in the times when you actually need them the most! That is one thing I wish could be changed. My mum knew she hd cancer. It was not something people should be afraid of mentioning. That is one advice I want to give you: Talk about it! Do not be afraid to talk about the things that are hard! Cancer should not be a taboo. It helps to talk about it and it helps when people are there for you.
Of course we also had people who supported us. My mum had a lot of help and so many sweet and caring messages. Amazing family (especially her sister), sweet friend, caring colleagues. My boyfriend’s family were also amazing and a great help.

I asked my mum if there was something I could not write or something she would like me to pass on to my readers and she had ONE thing: REMEMBER to say yes to getting checked for cancer! Had it not been for the routine checkup my mum would have never known it. And then it might be too late.